Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
