I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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