I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
