Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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