all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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