yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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