Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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