apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
