would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
