this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
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