I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
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Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
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Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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