It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
