When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
