She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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