please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm gonna fight the coyote
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
