Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
