oh god the rape fog is back!
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
