Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
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Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
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Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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