It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Randomize
