Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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