There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
