I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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