i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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