My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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