I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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