A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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