I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
im holly from the hills drunk
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
