Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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