why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
