I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
