i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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