We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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