my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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