you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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