we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
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Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
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I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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