I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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