My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
