Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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