Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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