Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
So vagazzling was a success
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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