at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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