Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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