You smell like stripper and shame
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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