Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
