THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
