Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
