If that was your dad, he is hot
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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