fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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