I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
