Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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