No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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