i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
