while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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