Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
