someone threw a dead crab at me
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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