Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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