and you said cock pushups were impossible
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
So much rum. So many feels.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
