So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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