just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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