I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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