I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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