well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
