As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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