Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
