There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
