I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
