i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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