How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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