anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
