I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
