is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
my phone needs a breathalizer
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I supernannyed him into submission
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
