My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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