Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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