I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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