why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
