You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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