Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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