I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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