Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
you will always have a special place in my vag
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
